preoccupations

You suggested we go sing karaoke. You suggested we go for a drink together. I said no to both proposals ... in vino, veritas. In wine, truth. But then, you said we should go drink together and sing karaoke. I rolled my eyes at you. You and your humor are both out of taste but it made me smile.

... I like people like you—honest, principled, intelligent and brave. I admired you from afar, even when you were with someone. Your missing Rs can make me laugh. Your smile can make me smile, something only a few people can do. As comrades under the same organization, we have the same friends and enemies, we celebrated the same victories, and we suffered the same losses.

Once, A— said you like me, too ... G— seems to know I like you, and I think he knows you like me, too ... I didn’t believe A— ... I didn't want to believe him. You have a crush on everyone, anyway. Still, it made me jealous when I heard you have a crush on someone, and it crushed me for some reason I can’t even comprehend.

I remember when you gave me a back hug once. It undid my brain, us being close like that. I want to leave that behind ...

written March 2017